To The Men That Come And Go.

Today is regular Friday. And regular Fridays mean I’m indoors; comfortable and suited up in my bunny styled onesie. Regular Fridays are distinctly for catching up with all the New Amsterdam seasons’ episodes and I seriously do not want to be disturbed by anyone!

Peace and serenity.

Finally I’ve laid out all my snacks, according to my favourites, on the mahogany lounge table. Jelly babies first, smarties second then finally salted Lays. I strategically switch off some lights, leaving the lounge dimly lit. Let the romance begin. Then I’m warmly welcomed and embraced by the lush and bouncy sofa and within seconds we become one like lovers.

I press play.

“Arghhh unbelievable how hard Dr Max is working at the hospital when he is also battling cancer for pits sake.” I silently think to myself. Also if I was put in Dr Max’s situation would I have continued working as hard, or would I have stepped down to deal with the cancer. The series is only 10 minutes in and finally someone decides to abruptly disturb my serenity.

Sigh.

Ding ding, I know that sound. I hate that sound especially on regular Fridays. It’s my phone alerting me that I just received a message. “Who could this be?” I think to myself as I try to stretch my arm out for the phone. Ding Ding again! Arghhh that sound again, I murmur, rolling my eyes because I just cant seem to reach the phone and stay comfortable at the same time!

Alas Victory! I flip the phone to face me and I see the two messages that read “hey Nat, how’s your Friday going? “Sorry hope I am not disturbing was just thinking about you…a whole lot”

I wince my face in response, because yes nigga you are really disturbing my Regular Friday! I reckon his name is Munashe. It must be Munashe! Gosh I hope I am right because I ceased saving the numbers of these kinds of men, the men who came and went as they pleased!

Yet oddly enough I feel some kind of heavy obligation to entertain you, only because you were one of the nicer ones. But you, God and myself know that this conversation has already reached its dead end. This devious game of “lets play ghost” isn’t new to me, and losing to you and them has become so familiar.

So this is how the game normally begins:

1. You start liking my tweets and commenting on my Instagram pictures. That’s how millennials let you know they are interested. You obviously try your very best to not seem like a creepy stalker and unfortunately I still think you’re a creepy but cute stalker.

I get the message.

2. Finally you soldier up and send me a message in my DMs. It’s something corny and funny, that prompts me to respond. Welcome! I have been expecting you and your small talk! I never enjoy small talk; most times it’s so awkward and uncomfortable! But this is a good time to practise my patience and hope there is gold at the end of this rainbow. After a handful of chats, you ask for my number and I gladly give it you.
3. We continue engaging in small talk for a day or two. Then finally I break the ice and ask you something more personal, like what you feel is your biggest flaw. I would normally never ever do this in a face-to-face conversation. But something about no eye contact, and no body language makes me at ease, makes me braver. You respond, truthfully I assume, but overtime I find out I was wrong about expecting the truth and realise that you can barely keep up with these lies.
4. We never miss a day to talk. You’re the highlight of my days, and the best times for me , are the pillow talk hours, where we share a secret intimacy. But then I found out that right after our call you shared yourself with Her too. I only had a teaspoon taste of you and now I’m high of your drugs of lies and manipulation. You never were mine, but I realise how I was always an option.
5. Then the glasshouse shutters! Gradually I hear from you less and less. The conversations become shorter and tedious. It doesn’t take me long to realise that you’ve lost interest. And it takes me longer to accept it. Now my heart is flooded with regret and disappointment. I wish you hadn’t grown onto me so quickly.

And finally after 3 weeks of not hearing from you, your messages pop up in my notifications on my Regular Friday. I have a million and a half questions to ask why you choose to be present for a couple of weeks and stone cold for the following weeks. Your inconsistency with me leaves me pondering on what exactly I could be lacking in order for you to choose me and stay. You’re not the first man to come and go, but Ive assured myself you will be the last.

 

So to the men who come and go

You must know now

I will not give you me

If it’s me that you want

  You will find God first

Then You will find me

You will come

And you will stay

Remember you are never alone

Love Nat

xxx